Friday Features
A recipe
For the Perfect Marriage
by
Red Skelton
Since we celebrated our 54th anniversary this week we could not resist sharing this tongue in cheek recipe from Red Skelton.
To Have the Perfect Marriage:
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said “There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!” So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, “In the lake.”
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?” The driver said, “No, jump in!”.
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was ‘Always’.
12. I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?”
I said, “Dust!”.
Can’t you just hear him say all of these?
We adore this list. These were the golden days when humor didn’t need to begin with a four-letter word or become political. It was just clean and simple fun. And he always ended his programs with the words, “And May God Bless”with a big smile on his face.
We do try to put a little levity in the romance in our books. Currently we are writing book two in this series and hope you’ll enjoy this excerpt from the first book, Ghosts and Gardenias, available to download from Amazon.
Susan longed to feel the antique silk touching her body. She flipped her long hair behind her shoulders, then held the dress to her chest measuring the tiny waist to her own. The dress might fit, at least for as long as she could hold her breath.
The gardenia scent grew stronger. Susan twirled around to face the cheval mirror, the dress still held to her. The last rays of the evening sun, coming through a rip in the attic window curtain, glinted off the mirror, blinding her for a moment. She touched the glass, gasping when her hands met the ice-cold edge. Rubbing the goose bumps on her arms she took two steps backward.
Her reflection, misty and spotted by the mirror’s worn silver backing, stared at her. When she stepped closer to the mirror the image blurred even more. She blinked, trying to clear her vision.
As she reached for the mirror, the gardenia scent changed from pungent to rotting. Another flash of light glinted off the mirror. Susan’s breath caught in her chest as she tried to sort out what she saw. Two overlaid images, both her yet different, stared from the silvered glass.
The more prominent image wore a pristine version of the dress Susan held to her body. No yellowed streaks marred the silk. The lace caplet billowed around her shoulders as though caught in a breeze stirred by a midsummer storm. Mahogany curls adorned her head like a crown—a sharp contrast to Susan’s long, flowing hair. A pair of green eyes, a near match to her emerald ones, stared out of the mirror.
Heart racing, Susan clutched the fabric in her fist. She moved to the right. The two images parted briefly then merged. She moved to the left. The same thing happened. Squeezing her eyes shut, Susan willed her pounding heart to slow and ignored her instinct to drop the dress and run.
A trick of the light. Nothing weird is happening. There’s a rational, logical explanation.
Gathering her courage, Susan fluttered her eyes open and peeked at the mirror. Her reflection had been replaced by the Victorian woman. A low moan rolled from the glass. Dropping the gown on the floor Susan skittered backward.
If this interests you in our newest book Ghosts and Gardenias is available now on Amazon, the first book in our Haunting of Garnoa Road Series.
Here are the links for our other books:
You can find our books on our book page, under the menu at the top of the page or on our Amazon Author Page
Happy 54th Anniversary, you two crazy kids! Cheers and hugs!
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Thank you. 😊
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